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Not like Real Work

When I tell people I work 2 jobs or that I work 7 days they often say the same phrase after I've explained I run a craft business, that phrase is "but it's not like real work",
Sometimes they follow it up with things like "because you're at home", "because you enjoy it" "because you work for yourself" etc etc

and they're right!

It's not like real work

I don't get a day off, hell I barely even get an evening off
I don't get to go home from work
I work late into the evening when I have to (I just finished and it's past 10pm)
I am ALWAYS thinking about work
I'm not paid a wage, if people don't buy I don't get paid
If people aren't happy with the product it costs me money
I have no company
There's no HR department
There's no sick pay, holiday pay, time off
There's next to no company benfits
There's no salary or hourly wage
There's no escaping the boss

The list goes on

Yes I enjoy it…

In the Gym - Day 1

I went to the gym today.
I drove there, if I walked I'd be shattered before I got there.
I parked and put an hour parking on, I wasn't even kidding myself I'd be in there long.
Walked in through the air lock tubes and surveyed my surroundings. Machines I recognised and a couple I didn't, a sign for the men's changing and some vending machines.
Step one: find women's changing. I wondered around looking surprisingly lost in a small gym room and found a door with a sign which said ladies, success!
I stowed my bag in a locker, which I couldn't lock as I can't remember my padlock combination.
I then took my bag back out and remembered to change my shoes.
Set my music going and hopped on a treadmill.
5 minutes brisk walk and I was walked up and sweating already. On to the cross trainer for a whole 2 minutes before I decide I need to resolve my lack of water.
But an overpriced bottle of water and head back to a treadmill.
Do 5 minutes including a half…

Fat to... Fit? Less fat?

So I've joined the gym, again!I'm not on some insane health binge, it's not a resolution, it's not a sudden change. There's 2 reasons I've joined:
1) I am fat and unhealthy
2) I need something for me! Without a child in towMostly it's number 2, it's certainly the reason why now! I've been fat and unhealthy for years. I am not a gym bunny, I will not become a gym bunny. But I do sometimes enjoy the gym, it's a good way to work out the stress of life and it gives me some time alone. I'll be blogging here about my progress and any effects it's having.
I am going to weigh myself but this isn't an attempt at weight loss, I don't care what the scales say I care about how I feel.
I've taken before photos which there's no way I'm sharing now but maybe later. I'm going to post day 1 as a separate blog though so you can appreciate my first time back in a gym since 2013 in all its glory.

Struggling

It seems my life isn't my own anymore. I knew having a child would change everything and change my name to Mummy but I didn't realise I'd lose everything.
I can't clean, I can't tidy, I can't read, I can't eat, I can't sit nothing.
It's not even enough that I sit stroking her arm i have to do it an exact way. I know I'm not unique, I know every parent struggles but I can only see my own experience and darkness.
This week I have worked 3 days at my employer out for 11 hours a day, 1 day where I did 7 hours self employment, half a day being shouted around by the tyrant and so far 4 hours today in which time she's broken me.
In the brief windows of time where Roo isn't driving me mad the cat comes and claws my leg. In all honesty I want to run away from everything.
I love my daughter, I will put her before me whenever it matters, I am a good parent. I'm just sick of her happiness always seeking to be at the expense of my own. Never…

Failed Blood Donation - caution, not for the faint hearted

I had my first failed blood donation today.
I passed all the questions and tests, got in the chair, remembered my name, it was going fine.
Then the guy does his sharp scratch bit.
Followed by some firm poking, wiggling and a bit of pain, few more wiggles and he says "we'll have to stop there, I've missed the vein".
I think we're done but then he calls for the nurse, "we've got a bruise"
Over comes the nurse with a special leaflet and explains I'll probably get a bruise and all the things not to worry about. She was very apologetic which really wasn't necessary, these things happen. She gave me the stark warnings of worse case scenario (not overly bad tbh) and apologised some more.
I fully kept my sense of humour and laughed about it. It was my 15th donation and these things happen, as far as I've concerned even a huge bruise is nothing compared to someone needing blood and it not being available.
On my way out I made an appointment f…

Sober October

Now that October is over I can declare I didn't have any alcohol.
I'm a pint of lager kind of girl rather than spirits most of the time and I don't go out very often so I wasn't drinking insane and unsafe amounts, I very rarely get more than a little tipsy. But throughout August and September I was having a couple of cans of lager every evening, it was basically "Roo's in bed, grab a drink and relax at last. Normally a crate of beer would last me month but instead it was lasting a week, it had become part of my routine and an essential part of winding down.
Then we went on holiday and the fridge was kept well stocked, I ended up having a lot more to drink. I still wasn't getting drunk but I was drinking a lot more than is recommended albeit slowly throughout the day. So when I got home I decided my body needed a break! It was the 1st October and there were things on TV and social media suggesting Go Sober for October so I decided I'd do it. I also de…